Bingo ball behaviour

Think about the last time you were lost on a trip. It might be the overseas holiday when you ventured down a strange street and started to worry for the safety of your family. It might even be the first day of a new job when you started to worry how on earth you would find your way to the toilets. Familiar to each case is a sense of anxiety, confusion and fear of the unknown. You're in a place where there are no directions, guides or help of any kind. Now remember the feeling when you found the first landmark that you recognized. It might be a familiar junction on the freeway, the sound of a church bell or the board room. Whatever the landmark, it's something that gives you a stake in the ground and a basis on which to make a decision. It's this sense of orientation and location that is so important within the personal leadership framework. The ability to find a reference point in times of turmoil and confusion is an essential part of any leadership process.

Think of someone you know who goes through life without any real sense of purpose or direction. It might be that fate is always on hand to offer a guiding hand or help, but for most of us, this isn't the case.

People without purpose have no boundaries (see Figure 18), no understanding of what is good or bad advice, with the result that they respond (and believe) different advice on differing days like a bouncing ball in a bingo machine.

Consider the life of Billy, a trainee manager at a large computing company. He is about to attend a promotion interview that could really make a big difference to his income. At the start of the week he has a clear plan to spend his time preparing for next week's interview. However, after a couple of hours person A comes along and suggests that preparation is of little use because the job is sewn up and will go to someone else. So Billy decides that it's not worth spending time and goes off to do some other work. He then meets B over coffee and she says that the job isn't sewn up at all, they are just looking for someone with a special set of skills. So Billy rushes to the resource centre to track down some reports. At the resource centre, Billy meets an old friend who is also going to be interviewed. They suggest that the team manager is biased against people with long hair, so Billy rushes out to get a haircut. These diversions continue right up to the interview, and Billy will fail to get the job.

So there we have Bingo Ball Billy, someone who responds to forces from all directions because he doesn't really know where he's going. The alternative is to build a picture that sets out where you're heading and to follow that journey. By setting out the parameters of your journey you can define a corridor or window of opportunity which consists of those things you are prepared to do; everything else falls outside the boundary (see Figure 19). For Bingo Ball Billy's next interview, he would need to define who he will listen to, what subjects he will study, who he won't listen too, and what topic areas he will not research. He might go so far as to define what he wants from the job and under what circumstances he will reject any offer.

Your life doesn't have to become unchangeable and set in concrete. As your life circumstances change, you respond and adapt accordingly. But when this happens it's easier to change the operating boundary and be guided by a clear set of principles, rather than trying to make each decision in isolation.

An early one for me was the decision not to move house. The company I worked for at the time was in reorganization frenzy -- every other month there would be a reorganization and accompanying relocation. I looked around and saw my colleagues' lives being turned upside down and in some cases relationships destroyed as they responded to choices made by the company. My choice was not to move my family, but to include the flexibility to travel further to work. So, if push came to shove (and it did) I would lodge out for a period to maintain my career but not put my partner and children through the upheaval of moving house and school. Having made this choice, it became very easy to make a career decision. There was no turmoil or tension if promotion came along in an area where I could not commute. It was simply outside the corridor and therefore not an option.

Turn on the potential tap

As you read these words, there will be an inner voice commenting on the ideas, the models, and my typing errors. The voice offers a running commentary on what you're reading and how you think and feel about it, and tries to steer your head and heart in certain directions. In many cases, the inner voice is a powerful tool that helps you fight imaginary monsters or talk yourself through emotional traumas. However, it can also be a tremendously powerful force that prevents you from making real headway in your personal plans. This blocking energy comes from the insecurity driver. This is the part of the heart dimension that believes with absolute passion that there are things in life that you can't do, that will hurt you or that don't make sense. The insecurity driver pushes you to get satisfaction from the things that you know and from others' answers, rather than taking risks yourself.

Think about a sport you play. Most of the time you happily take part in the game and are satisfied with the outcome. But there is probably a certain ball you find difficult to play or a particular player you don't get along with. And every time this thing crops up, your inner voice reminds you. Your inner voice is the little devil in disguise that acts as a potential tap. It's just a tiny voice, but it has the potential to prevent you from releasing the wealth of talent stored in your personal reservoir. However, there are examples of people who have learned to control this inner voice and manage to keep it in line; as a result, they generate more freedom and personal power.

One of the most inspiring stories for me has been Christopher Reeve. In a TV interview, Sir David Frost talked with him about the difficulties he faces every day, and asked how he deals with the shock of not being able to move. Christopher Reeve answered:

I get busy and readjust and focus on what can I do today. There is a phrase that I use which is 'bad days are good days in disguise.' You can start out feeling pretty miserable about the injustice of it all. The way out is to think of something that needs doing and there is always something that will take you forward, and I just focus on that and I get back in shape.

This 'know where you're going' outcome isn't a one-, two- or three-year objective (although that might underpin the overall motivation). Christopher Reeve has to set a new personal outcome the moment he wakes up. He uses this driving force to help him survive the emotional and physical torture he experiences daily. By developing this inner mantra, he uses his in-security to overpower the insecurity and is able to prevent negative behaviour from emerging.

The problem is that when trying to define and plan where you're going, the inner voice can set up a raging torrent of critique, all aimed at stopping you from experiencing things that are new and challenging. It might be doing this to protect you, but sometimes it can be wrong. You have to learn to manage it.

'Manage' doesn't mean ignore or overcome. If you fight it, much of your emotional and intellectual energy is being forced into your internal space, and energy that should be focused on making a change is lost. The trick is to come up with a question to ask the voice. After all, the tap is there to protect you from harm. Like the release valve on a steamer or the governor on an engine, it's being protective in its own way. Rather than fighting the inner voice, set up a series of internal challenges or dialogues. The next time you feel the tap being closed off by the inner voice, ask yourself these questions:

By using this approach, you're harnessing the intellectual power of the head dimension to challenge some of the fears offered by the insecure part of the heart dimension. By asking these two dimensions to argue their case, it can become possible to overcome irrational fears stimulated by the insecurity driver. It's also important to recognize that, although the logic of the question and argument comes from the head dimension, the energy and passion for this must come from the in-security drive in the head dimension.

At the end of the day, the heart dimension controls the potential tap, and it's this function that controls the release of your potential. Therefore it's important that you understand the importance of the choose your choice component. Unless you accept that you have the right, power and energy to manage your internal voices and choices, then all of these words will have little impact.

The first challenge to test for yourself might be to think of one thing that you've always said you can't do. If it's walking on Mars, take a step back and think about something that you have the physical capability and personal capacity to do.

Take this thing that the voice says you can't do and work through the questions shown in Figure 24. If they don't fit the issue exactly then bend and shape them to make sense. The primary purpose is to help your head component and the in-security driver to reframe the issue to help the heart understand that it isn't dangerous or life threatening. If you do a single loop and your heart's answer is still no but the objective has shifted, then circulate again basing your questions on the new objective. Loop as many times as you need to in order to get to a point where your heart is prepared to give it a shot.

To really know where you're going, you need to understand your self-imposed limitations and work out ways to overcome them. If you do what you always did, you will get what you always got. Unless you really believe that you have your personal leadership in place and don't need to change, you will benefit by changing your entrenched ideas and habits. Even if you believe that you don't need to change how you operate, it will pay to challenge that assumption!  

Return to Toolkit page

Return to Home page

(c) Mick Cope